How to Cope with the Loss of a Child's Pet

With Fatty’s death, Amanda and I were concerned for ourselves, but mostly concerned for Annabelle and how she would handle the news. We came up with a plan and as of two days from his death, Annabelle has been able to cope rather well. A few tears, but mostly a remarkable level of understanding for a 4 year old. Amanda and I came up with a strategy and I wanted to post it here, in case it was helpful to anyone else.

The theme for the strategy was to spread out the news over as many days as possible and to never euphemize death. Fatty didn’t “pass away,” or “go to Heaven,” (I have theology about that— different post lol) but he “died.”

Three days before our appointment we watched the Daniel Tiger episode where his fish dies.

Then two days before, we read the book version of the same episode (available on Kindle).

Then the day before at nap time, we read the book “The Invisible Leash,” which helped cement the idea that sometimes pets die.

Then after Amanda got home from the office, we sat her down and explained that Fatty was older and sick and would not get better. And because we love him, we want to help him feel better and the only way to do that is to help his body die.

So the next day, daddy would take him to the veterinarian (not “the doctor,” we didn’t want her to be afraid of the doctor) and Fatty would get comfy-cozy and then he would die and then we would never see him again.

We assured her she would always have memories, but that we would not be able to play with him again.

After this conversation, Amanda printed a bunch of photos of Fatty from over the years and they worked together to make a memory book with the pictures. We gave Fatty a lot fo treats and Annabelle read the book to him.

We all walked Fatty out to the car and the girls waved goodbye to him. Then I went to the vet, told Fatty how grateful I was for him and was with him until the doctor said he was dead.

Then I had a great big cry in the parking lot.

When I came home, I showed Annabelle the big stuffed corgi you see in the photo. We told her Fatty wanted her to have this stuffed animal so that she could squeeze him whenever she was sad or missed him. The deep irony is that Fatty has always been a grump and so this toy dog has already given her more snuggle than the real pup.

Overall, it’s never easy to lose a pet, but everyone deals with death. We can pretend it didn’t happen, or we can address with an understanding of what it is at a level we can comprehend.